Turds That Won't Flush: Pool Noodles

Growing up me, my brother and my cousin spent many weekends at my grandmom's house. Across the street lived this disgusting, fat, sweaty creeper. We hated him, and he hated me and my brother. I once had a dream when I was little that I stabbed him in the arm with a fork, no lie. Anywho, one time he mooned us and we saw his man bits and another time my grandmom forced us to go over his house to meet his pet parrot, the stupid bird kept saying, "Yeah Baby!" What a creeper. I guess he spotted us from across the street and decided it would be cool to come over and ruin our fun with his fatness.

I'm not positive about what we were doing, but I'm sure it had something to do with dancing or making up stupid songs, or doing cartwheels, who knows. Me and my brother always had really bad hair because we have cowlicks all over our head and I think my mom thought it would be a good idea to put a bowl on my brother's head and cut around it (just kidding), but really he had a bowl cut and I had greasy bangs of steel (I know I spelled steel wrong in the picture).

As soon as we spotted him we knew he was going to waddle over and say something mean even though he was the same age as our parents and I don't know why he wanted to spend his time torturing kids.

He probably said something like, Hey kids! I just shit myself!" and we were like, "Surprise, Surprise" and then he was like, "Hey, do you guys like Hootie and the Blowfish?" and we were probably like, "Yeah, I guess so you fat idiot." and he was like, "Well, you guys are stupid because... HOOTIE BLOWS!" and we were like, "Shut the eff up you douche bag."

Actually, I have no idea what went down, but whatever happened it pissed us off.

So we grabbed pool noodles and beat the shit out of him. I remember just whacking the shit out of him and he was trapped in the middle of us and couldn't escape. We just beat the living shit out of him.